Three Months We Didn't Know We Had...

Month One- 

Uncertainty, overjoyed, unbalanced, blessed, strengthened, hope, fear, immeasurable love, inspired.

These are all the emotions that I went through during Thomas's first month of life outside the womb. That little boy amazed everyone. He was born with a broken body with barely a heart beat, but was able to overcome and persevere through so much pain and other health issues. We could only look on and try our best to comfort him when we were at the hospital and to make sure he knew how much we loved him. 

I hated feeling like I wasn't able to be with Thomas as much as I wanted OR with Taylor as much as I wanted. I don't know how parents do it without family or friends to help them. How would a single mother do it? I feel like I barely survived. On top of that I was pumping breast milk every three hours while Shane worked all day long and then went straight to the hospital afterward and didn't come home until Tay was in bed. 

Month Two- 

Excitement, scrambled, tired, self doubt, frustrated, blessed, strengthened, hope, fear, immeasurable love, inspired.

Oh goodness, Thomas was actually discharged to come home! We were able to spend a full week at home before he had his first trip of many to the ER. This became the month of surprises. Every week there was something different we were worried about- feeding, re-flux, aspiration, hernia, breathing, But this was also a great month of learning and growth for all of us. Thomas was doing well with Occupational Therapy and Physical Therapy. Thomas was starting to move more and didn't seem in pain from healed fractures. Shane, his parents, and myself were learning more about Thomas and his cues. We were learning more about what was normal for Thomas and what was concerning. We researched more about respiratory and digestive issues with babies that have severe OI. We became more comfortable with the machines and with handling Thomas. I became associated with the OI Parents group and immediately felt them encircle me with their strength and experience.

One particular night, I know Shane and I felt so tired and were having a hard time handling Thomas's schedule and cries throughout the night. Everytime I heard Thomas start to cry that night, I'd say a prayer to Heavenly Father that if it wasn't serious that Thomas would be okay and go back to sleep. Thomas ended up having such a good night that night...

It seemed that there were a lot of questions I still had about the plans for Thomas and why things didn't seem constant for Thomas. Why were we going up to the ER so often? Why can't I get things figured out for my son so we can stay out of the hospital for at least two weeks? What was I doing wrong?

However, my family was together all under one roof. I was able to wake up and cuddle Thomas while Shane and Taylor chased each other around the house.

Month Three- 

Nervous, confidence, tired, frustrated, blessed, strengthened, hope, fear, immeasurable love, inspired. 

I was about to return to school. I had a couple of weeks left. Time to start making freezer meals. Time to look at lesson plans. Do I even remember all of my students' names? How am I going to balance teaching, Taylor, and Thomas? 

Thomas was still having pulmonary and digestive issues, but we were getting sick of staying trapped in the house. We grew confidence in Thomas and in ourselves and ventured to a family party, sacrament meeting, and to the park. I started looking at our situation differently. No matter how much time we have, I don't want to say that we spent all of it on one floor of our house because we were too scared to live life. I needed to figure out how to live life with Thomas's machines and his fragile body. 

Great Grandma B got to hold her first great grandson! This woman inspires me. I was exhausted from being at the ER all night so my grandma came and made me lunch and cleaned the house. She is in her 80s and is still willing to get her hands dirty and serve. I have always been able to count on her and hope she knows that I will be there to clean her house and make her lunch when it's my turn to take care of her. 

Looking ahead at the next couple months and looking back at the last few months, I realized that there was no predictability to Thomas's situation. Not only was his mutation completely unique to him, Thomas's story was unique as well. Thomas has never gone more than a week and a half without an ER visit, a sudden need for a primary care visit, or a hospital admission. So given that pretty busy history, it didn't seem doable or even smart to continue working. It seemed like it would only end up hurting my family. I had been praying as to how I can better help Thomas and without a doubt this was an answer. My family needed all of me.  

Luckily, we were able to find a replacement at the end of my first week back. Thomas made it the entire week and then needed to be taken by ambulance to Primary's. 

Month Four- 

Angry, tired, frustrated, unbalanced, relieved, blessed, strengthened, hope, fear, immeasurable love, inspired. 

Thomas celebrated his one month, two month, and three month birthdays in the hospital. Maybe his four month birthday will be different. 

During this hospital admission I have often found myself angry that Thomas isn't being handled with enough care in regards to his limbs and possibility of fractures, angry that not enough was being done to ensure that a definitive plan was in place to make sure that he didn't end up in the ambulance again, angry that I was not being listened to when speaking about experiences of other babies with severe OI. 

At the same time, I was also sinking myself into conference talks from the last session and praying daily independently and with my children. In the car to and from the hospital I was finding comfort in Primary songs and conversations with Taylor about the Plan of Salvation. 

Tired and trying to figure out how am I going to do this. It's only been a week and half but this is not a quick fix. Thomas needs a lot of help for a long time. What decisions are we going to have to make? Will today's doctor be doom and gloom or optimistic? Will today's doctor be familiar with OI? Blah..... I'm exhausted even thinking about it. But Shane and I know where we stand and know that we do not want to be the ones to tell Thomas when he is done living on this earth. We trust in Heavenly Father and we trust in Thomas. We want to give Thomas EVERY OPPORTUNITY to live his life on this earth and when and if Thomas decides it is more than his precious body can handle, his body will let us know. I will not fail Thomas. 

We were blessed to watch the play based on a book by Nathan Glad (one of our dear friends with OI)- "Climbing With Tigers". This kiddo has been such a motivator for us to fight for Thomas. He is the happiest kid and doesn't let OI get in his way from living life. The play helps others to see what life is like through his eyes. Nathan's play also teaches so much about bravery and friendship. We walked away truly lifted and grateful that Taylor was able to experience that.  GO SEE IT!!! We are so grateful to know his family and look forward to learning how to pay it forward and serve other families. 

http://www.saltlakeactingcompany.org/this-season/item/1003-climbing-with-tigers

Continuing to pray for guidance on how to take care of Thomas, consulting with my army of OI mamas, and relying on friends and family to help us as we scramble day to day... finally a care conference was set. With Thomas's entire team, we were going to finally build a plan for my little guy to not only get him to a barely safe place to go home but to get him to a strong and sturdy place that would be the most promising for Thomas in the long run. We know Thomas needs to get his lungs to mature, the proper nutrition, and the best possible way for us to support his lungs. The days leading up to the conference my prayers had changed. Instead of praying for guidance for myself, I prayed for the doctors and Thomas's team to be guided. 

The day before the conference a new attending was assigned who also happened to have a child with special needs and knew the importance of a support group and the value that other parents were able to share with me. She recognized the weaknesses of his current care plan and immediately wanted it to be more driven and goal oriented. She also reached out to other resources that specialize in OI. Between her, our primary care doctor, and the OI specialists I felt that a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. The care conference was a team of 10 who's primary concern was helping Thomas get the care he needed so he can not only come home but have the best chance of staying home for awhile. 

He's needing to have better pulmonary support via High Flow and BiPap (or Cpap... they are going to do some studies with Thomas to decide which). He's now receiving Zole treatments to help his bones and will be starting some respiratory medicine as well. I don't know how our new plan will turn out but I do know that I finally feel peace that Thomas IS in the right hands now and the doctors are going to do the best they can. 

Dreams

Tonight when I was getting ready to put Taylor to bed, she pulled out several books that we have read a million times. Finally, I stepped in to see if there was something on her shelves that we hadn't read in a while. I found a book of hers that I had actually never read with her- "Fanny's Dream". 

I read about this woman who was waiting for her fairy godmother who never came. She never got to marry the prince or live in a castle or live a life free from hard work. But she did marry a man who loved her. They worked side by side. She had her hands full with taking care of the children and the life they had created for themselves. Their house burned down, but they rebuilt it and pushed forward. Later, her fairy godmother finally came and offered her the dreams she had long ago. She chose the life she had built. 

Holding back tears as I finished reading this book to Taylor, I realized that I would not have my life any other way. Yes, of course I wish I could take away Thomas's struggles, the medical bills, the stress, splitting our time between our children, and how tired we are.....

But I LOVE my husband and how hard he works for us and how much he loves being a dad. His patience and his priesthood has been such a blessing during this time. I LOVE what a strong spirited girl my daughter is, how caring she is to her brother, her creativity and her affectionate personality. I LOVE my son's facial expressions, quiet strength, his smiles and coos, his heavenly spirit, and the humility and perspective he has given me. 

What has happened to Thomas is not any mother's dream, but I know that we can build an even more wonderful life for our family because Thomas is a part of it. 

Tools For Peace

Tools For Peace

One of the goals that I started working on at the end of last year was going through and reading all of the conference talks from the last General Conference. I remember while I watched them last October feeling that many of them seemed to fit so perfectly to what was going on in my life at the time. Many of them seemed to be answering questions or prayers that I had.

I'm not one for waking up extra early to get my reading done, but this girl definitely appreciates a good, HOT bath! Starting in December, whenever I took a bath to relax I would pull out the Ensign and read a talk from October's General Conference. Well, I'm almost done and have loved this goal! Today I read "Make the Exercise of Faith Your First Priority".

As I was reading it I felt a confirmation that this goal was not only a right choice for me but that this talk was testifying to me why I have made some of the New Years goals I have.

Elder Scott states: "Our Father in Heaven has given us tools to help us come unto Christ and exercise faith in His Atonement. When these tools become fundamental habits, they provide the easiest way to find peace in the challenges of mortality."

1. Prayer is the first tool of peace. It is a powerful blessing and protection to have daily personal prayer and daily family prayer. He reminds us that prayer can shine an eternal light on our daily struggles and that it can provide an amor for our children. The statement about prayer that stood out the most for me was when he said "Family prayer should be a non negotiable priority in your daily life." He used the term non negotiable. That gives me a sense of urgency and makes me realize it's great importance as one of my 2015 goals. 

2. Scripture study. Currently I've been reading the modern day scripture- the words of present day Prophets and apostles. Last summer, Taylor and I would have daily scripture reading in the morning and I loved it! She gets excited when we she sees our scriptures! Since being back at school, that habit has been lost. I love how Elder Scott explains the way Heavenly Father communicates with us. "He most often communicates back to us through His written word. To know what the voice of the Divine sounds and feels like, read His words, study the scriptures, and ponder them.⁵ Make them an integral part of everyday life. If you want your children to recognize, understand, and act on the promptings of the Spirit, you must study the scriptures with them."

I know that through scripture study I HAVE had my prayers answered or the concerns of my heart have been brought to peace. Elder Scott then goes on to say "...as you dedicate time every day, personally and with your family, to the study of God’s word, peace will prevail in your life. That peace won’t come from the outside world. It will come from within your home, from within your family, from within your own heart. " I want our home to be a refuge. A place where Shane, Taylor, myself, and anyone who steps foot in our door- can feel love and Heavenly Father's spirit. I want the activities in my home to be such that it is a place where the Spirit is always able to dwell. I know that family scripture study is one of those activities. 

3. Family Home Evening. Woop woop!!! I didn't grow up having family home evening, but I always wished we did it in my home. I learned about it at church, in seminary, and from my friends. Going to FHE at the U of U student ward was a blast and often times resulted in making new friends with great people! My first spiritual goal for 2015 is to have weekly FHE. A couple months ago I bought a book about FHE planning for dads. I bought it because it had a lot of fun, kid friendly ideas and incorporated games/snacks into the lesson! PERFECT! This month we are 2 for 2 and plan on having a successful month of FHEs. Taylor has loved watching the video clips, listening to us sing the Primary Songs or hymns, and of course loves the treats. So does Shane. 

Family Home Evening Book For Dads

"Family home evening is a precious time to bear testimony in a safe environment; to learn teaching, planning, and organizational skills; to strengthen family bonds; to develop family traditions; to talk to each other; and more important, to have a marvelous time together!"

4. Temple Attendance is the 4th tool for peace. There was a time in my life when I did not hold a temple recommend but even just sitting on the grounds meant the world to me. I would travel on trax from my little apartment up by the U down to Temple Square and just sit in the plaza staring up at the temple. I would write in my journal. Write to my friends out on missions. Read the scriptures. Say a personal prayer. The first time I went to baptisms for the dead after several years of non attendance was one of the most testimony building experiences I have ever had. I felt completely wrapped in Heavenly Father's love and vowed to always being worthy of a temple recommend. I never wanted to take it for granted again... 

Flash forward to working full time with busy schedules and with a busy toddler- I feel excited if we can make it once a month! It's something that I want to change. If I have to pay a babysitter- so be it. If I have to cancel plans for a social outing-- so be it. If I have to wake up early on a Saturday- so be it. I need to make monthly temple attendance a priority! 



"We all know there is no more peaceful place on this earth than in the temples of God....Don’t let anyone or anything prevent you from being there."

"I am not suggesting that all of life’s struggles will disappear as you do these things. We came to mortal life precisely to grow from trials and testing. Challenges help us become more like our Father in Heaven, and the Atonement of Jesus Christ makes it possible to endure those challenges.¹⁰ I testify that as we actively come unto Him, we can endure every temptation, every heartache, every challenge we face..."

This talk opened my eyes to these simple truths I have known for a long time. Relating back to my goals for 2015, I know that working on these goals will give me TOOLS FOR PEACE. 

Day 30- Positive changes, positive results!

I started this summer with many goals to work on different things in my life- balance, health, family, faith, etc. Starting the second week of September, I can definitely say that I've made positive changes and seen positive results!

My summer started off with becoming a Beach Body coach. Through coaching, I've expanded friendships, continued my goal of working towards health and fitness, helped others get closer to their goals, and worked on myself! One of my favorite things that Beach Body encourages is personal development. Some of my favorite reads have been "The Go Giver", "How to Win Friends & Influence People" and "PUSH". Currently, I'm on day 5 of PUSH and have already implemented what I'm learning and seeing immediate results!!!

The challengers that I've had the opportunity to work with this summer have helped to keep me motivated and focused. All this fitness stuff isn't just something I'm trying out- I'm committed and in love. I'm not perfect but I'm not turning back. It's been awesome to see challengers go down this same path! And seeing them make progress is seriously inspiring.

Taylor and I spent the summer doing "preschool", playing and exploring, reading scriptures, making friends, and making healthier meals. She also practiced "Down Dog", "PiYo Flip", and squats with her mama. Her vocabulary exploded and her favorite three word sentence is- I did it!!! She's become obsessed with Frozen... and asks for me to sing it to her every time we're in the car. The soundtrack is in Shane's car so I'm thinking we might need to get another copy...

Macaroni hats

Arts and Crafts

Shane started a new job and a new calling at church. It's been wonderful to see him home early on Fridays and to see him exercise his priesthood at a greater capacity in our awesome ward. We've loved spending time with Taylor in the evenings and cleaning the house together on weekends. He is such a fun dad and we have each other's back when it comes to discipline.

Shane's plane lasted less than 2 minutes in the air before it crashed...

My testimony has grown from more consistent prayer, scripture reading, and teaching the gospel to Taylor. My life is more organized and focussed on what is really important to me- family, faith, fitness, and friends. I can actually wake up early and work out before work. Reaching out and serving is more fun than sitting at home doing nothing.

For any of the changes that I've made- I know that it all comes back to how I spend my time. When I focus on how I spend my time I see positive results in the areas of my life that are most important. Going back to school shook things up a bit, but with some motivation and guidance I'm getting back on track and KNOW that positive results will continue to happen!!!

Day 20- Summer is on it's way!

Shane and I spontaneously decided to go camping down in Moab with some friends for Memorial Day weekend. I can't believe I've never been there before! It was so beautiful! I loved the scenery, the hiking, the quality time with my family, and laughing with friends...

On our way! Thirty minutes in and realize that Taylor didn't get in the car with any shoes!

Yes, we look like we belong to Big Bird's family. 

I love this picture of Shane. He didn't get why I had him point his finger. 

Shane and Taylor were great climbers!

Taylor's first s'more!

Getting ready for a swim to cool down... 

I have about 5 days left of school. I'm two days in to my second Beach Body Challenge and am loving it! The accountability and the workouts are going to help me smash my goals! I have big plans for the summer:

• Continuing to read the Old Testament. 
• Put Taylor in a "mommy and me" swimming class. 
• Camping! Lots of camping...
• Get reunited with my cousins for my grandparents' anniversary party. 
• Take care of my first garden and make some homemade salsa with what I grow. 
• Succeed with second Beach Body Challenge. 
• Go to the temple regularly. 
• Take Taylor to the Treehouse Museum in Ogden. 
• Run a 5K. 
• Go mountain biking with Shane. 
• Get my hearing checked... (I can't hear what people say unless they practically yell)
• Take my family on picnics to the near by parks/lake. 
• Try new recipes!

Day 5- I figured it out!!!

I figured it out!!!! Today while I was at work I decided that I'd work out right when I got home. It worked! I worked out while Taylor played in her high chair. Hit 25 is my favorite! Then Taylor and I went to a fundraiser at the Which Wich sandwich shop in Midvale to support Hillcrest DECA. A lot of my students were there! They are so amazing! I'm so lucky to know and them and to get to work with them! I met with the owner and thanked him for working with us. Taylor was practicing saying "por favor" in the car on the way home.

After we ate our delicious sandwiches I took Taylor upstairs for a bath and bed time. She still tasted like pb&j when I kissed her goodnight. I realized though that tonight I wasn't tired. I still had energy to play, clean, or do anything my heart desired ( or that hanging out in my pajamas would allow).

I'm so happy that I figured out a better way to schedule my day though! Work, read scriptures at lunch, work, pick up Taylor, work out while Taylor eats a snack and plays, dinner, play, family prayer, Taylor's bed time, time with Shane and blog. So maybe my sink is full of dishes, but I'm happy and my family is happy!

Today when I prayed with Taylor I can honestly say that I know my prayers are being heard. I know that I feel closer to my Heavenly Father and that I feel humbled when I recognize all that He has done for me. I am so grateful for the Holy Ghost and know that when I listen and follow the Holy Ghost, I am able to recognize His voice more easily and more frequently in my day to day life.

Day 4- Listening to my body

I mentioned this before, but I AM SO TIRED!!! I don't know if I need to go to bed earlier or actually wear my contacts like I'm supposed to but I feel like I'm dragging. My eyes are tired and body is tired. The last couple of nights I have been so tired and it's only 8pm. Tonight, I fell asleep on the couch after I put Taylor to bed. Then I woke up at 8:15 and tried to do Fire 45 with what little energy I had. I Probably did about 10 minutes of it yawning the whole way through and decided- Hey! My body is trying to tell me I need to go to sleep.

Yes, I'm getting close to breaking my plateau and I want to work out regularly. But today my body is telling me something. I need to be going to bed earlier in order for my desired scheduled to be successful. In order for me to spend time with Taylor after work instead of working out, then doing dinner, and then playing with her/Shane and getting chores done... and waiting to work out until after she's gone to bed- I have to go to  bed earlier so I'm not wiped out by 8pm like I'm 80 years old. Even though I know an 80 year old wouldn't be able to keep up with Taylor, my point is made.

I am loving reading the Bible. Right now, I'm learning about Sarah. She had such an interesting life. I'm excited to learn more about the women in the Bible and the role they played in the life of the prophets. Speaking of women in the scriptures, when I was in Junior High I had really low self esteem. Well, not just in Junior High, but that was when I really didn't know my worth to Heavenly Father. My friend Shanda told me once that she wouldn't believe any of the bad things that I would say about myself. She said if I could find it in the Bible she'd believe me. Coming from a family who didn't read scriptures, I was confused. She then opened up the Bible to Genesis 29:17 about Rachel being beautiful and well favored. I'll never forget her showing me that. Later on in college, our Relief Society president introduced me to Proverbs chapter 3 about a righteous and virtuous woman being having far more worth than rubies.

I want Taylor to know her worth. I want her to know that she is a daughter of God.

DAY 3- Enjoying the sunshine!

It was so nice outside today! It was wonderful! My teaching scheduled got finalized for next year! I'm super excited to teach IBCC, Internship, Accounting, and Marketing! It does give me mixed feelings though, because I can't wait to spend summer with Taylor... but sad that it will end so quickly.

Today was the perfect park weather! When I picked Taylor up from daycare she was so sad to leave. She used to crawl or wobble towards me with excitement. Now, she's upset to leave because she wants to play with the kids. I feel bad that we don't have regular play dates with neighbors. That's something that will definitely have to change for the summer. So I brought her home, started to marinate the chicken for tonight's dinner, and walked with her to one of the near by parks. She loved it! We stayed for about an hour. When it was time to leave to go home and make dinner. Taylor kept scrambling out of the stroller and then crying because she'd get stuck. Finally I strapped that little girly down. I hadn't used those straps since she was just a little baby. 

I made grilled chicken and mango/avocado salsa with a side of asparagus for dinner. Yum! Then after Shane came home from work and ate, we headed to a different park! Taylor loved hanging from the monkey bars and trying to do the climbing wall. She's definitely strong enough, but not quite tall enough. It'l be nice this summer to go to a different park every day. 

We played a little longer together and then said our prayers and she went to bed. Since Taylor has started walking, I've noticed a stronger willed little person. She wants to be independent and be in charge. She is becoming more vocal though which helps us understand her better. It's funny though because she talks A LOT but we can't understand a lot of what she says. I'm starting to think that some of it is in spanish since her daycare teachers are all spanish and speak spanish with the kids. Taylor know several phrases in spanish. I love that!

Cool experience today while reading my scriptures- I was in charge of monitoring a hall by the gym during an assembly today. The assembly was at the other end of the school so there wasn't supposed to be a lot of traffic over where I was. I decided to take a book instead of taking all my grading or laptop over there. Sitting on some steps in the hall, I read my scriptures while I kept an eye out for students wandering. A young man started to hang around the hall and was marking dance moves while he quietly talked to himself. I asked if he was ok and he said he finished his run early for gym. I was then realizing that he was practicing a routine for dance company. He asked what I was reading. I said "Scriptures". He asked which one. I simply told him "The Bible". He said "Cool!" with a big a smile on his face. Then he went on with what he was doing. I first felt almost worried about a student knowing I was reading my scriptures while at school. But, a lot of teachers bring a reading book with them to monitor the halls during an assembly or during a dance. My book was the Old Testament. After the student had a positive reaction to my response I felt good that even if a student had different beliefs that at least in that moment I was saying something about who I am and that what I believe is important to me. 

My goals for today:
Water- check!

In bed at 9- check!

Work out by 8- got distracted by skittles and by Sheldon Cooper. Decided today (instead of tomorrow) will be my rest day.

Taylor's goals for the year:
First tooth- CHECK!!!!

Day 2- Making the time

I learned today that I have to make the time for fitness. I have to make the time to read my scriptures. I can't just go throughout my day and hope that this magical window of time will appear where I have NOTHING else that is tempting me to spend my time with. I could always find excuses why now is not the best time to meet these important goals. They have to be more important than a TV show, checking Yahoo News on my lunch break, or surfing Pinterest. 

I wanted to have enough time in the morning before I left to work to read my scriptures and have personal prayer. I was dragging though... with the Monday blues. So I placed my scriptures in bag and told myself I would find the time during the work day. During the precious 30 minutes of my lunch break, I pulled out my scriptures. I didn't want to get my orange hands (I eat Cuties every day for lunch) on my scriptures. So, I hopped onto LDS.org and read where I left off from yesterday. I read chapters 2-6 of Genesis. " Therefore shall a ^aman leave his ^bfather and his mother, and shall ^ccleave unto his ^dwife: and they shall be ^eone flesh."  I love this verse! Having read my scriptures and saying a personal prayer really helped to kick the Monday blues!

My chicken patty and fruit lunch was good, but left me starving when I got home. I'm going to have make some changes there. Also, I want to drink more water tomorrow. I am going to try to go through two refills of my giant water bottle. Maybe that will help. 

Shane and I spent our evening with Taylor going out for ice cream. Seriously, ever since I've been counting calories, I've really come to appreciate GOOD food. The ice cream I had was so not worth it. Which makes it easier to say no thanks for the next time. I had the smallest bowl they had, but for $5 and probably 400 calories... um NOT WORTH IT! I could make a salad that tasted better for cheaper and probably 150 calories!

I put off my workout because I was tired. I need to remember, that I get more energy when I work out! Even on the Turbo Fire workouts, they joke about how people complain that they're too tired to work out, but that working out is what gives you the energy. It is so true! I feel so much better after! So tomorrow I'm going to do 3 things:

1. Drink 2 refills of my giant water bottle at work
2. Work out BEFORE 8pm
3. Go to bed by 10pm.

Also, I received a phone call today about the IUD. Yep- it's completely in the wrong place. They wanted to remove it tomorrow, but it's too hard to get a sub on short notice and more work than it's worth for something that might only take 2 hours. I have an appointment for next week during Spring Break. They're hoping they'll be able to remove it, but it might require surgery because it is damaging my insides. Either way, I'm hoping it will heal by the time Shane and I are ready to grow our little family. 

30 Days of FAITH & FITNESS

Thirty Days... Strengthening my FAITH & my FITNESS

Last night, I went to bed wondering why I always come up with goals and to do lists and always say to myself "I need to wait until X to start". Like when I decided to finally do the work to get healthy, I told myself to wait until the new year. But, even though my Beach Body Challenge didn't start until January 20th, I started working out every day. I just spontaneously started and kept going. I challenged myself to see how far I could go and what kind of results I could get in a set time frame. (With Turbo Fire it's 90 days) I recently bought new pants for work by the way. I'm down from a size 18 to a size 12!!!

So last night, I spontaneously told myself to set a challenge to not only increase my faith but my fitness as well. All the time you read or hear about how writing down your goals, what you eat, etc, helps you to be more accountable. I also know that sharing your testimony strengthens it. Whether it's writing something down or saying it out loud, you become more committed. Invested. It becomes more than a dream or a goal. It becomes an action. 

I WANT to have a stronger spirit in my home. I WANT my husband and I to look at and treat one another with Christlike love. I WANT to have daily personal and family prayer (which I currently don't do). I WANT to continue to pray with my daughter and for her to recognize Jesus Christ. I WANT to follow the commandments and follow the the guidance of the prophets and apostles. I WANT to attend the temple weekly. I WANT to read my scriptures daily. I WANT to read scriptures with my husband and daughter. I WANT those that are around me to know Heavenly Father's love. 

I WANT to end my plateau and get below 190 lbs. I WANT to stick to the Turbo Fire schedule. I WANT to track my calories and exercise. I WANT to make healthier meals for my family that are also budget friendly. I WANT to be able to run 2 miles without stopping. 

My goals and dreams for my faith and fitness are written out and said out loud. I'm committed. I'm invested. I'm taking action. 

This morning, I woke up to my cute toddler and played with her as usual. This time though, I did something different. I pulled out the iPad and showed her the LDS.org video "I am a Child of God". We watched it three times. She loved it! I then, opened up my scriptures and read a chapter with her. I told her we were going to say a prayer together before we started our day. She folded her little arms and cuddled on my lap while I said a prayer. I cannot recall the last time I said a morning prayer... I then proceeded to give her breakfast and I worked out. 

Why have I not been doing this every day? I don't know if I have an answer or if I do and I just don't want to admit the answer. It doesn't matter though. Just like on making the spontaneous change to just start a new habit and commit to working out, I'm making a change. Change will make change. I had a long list of wants written down. If I want those things to change, I have to change what I'm doing. 

For 30 days, I will be writing down my testimony and progress towards these changes. Every day. Thirty days. I have to jump in. No saying that I have to wait for spring break or next month. It's now. It's today. 

I love General Conference. I love hearing messages from my Heavenly Father. I know that when I pray with my daughter that she feels the spirit. I know that my family is sealed forever because of the priesthood we have here on earth and the covenants that we were able to make in God's Holy Temple. I know the scriptures are true. I know that when I read them this morning my testimony was strengthened and my mind was enlightened. I know that the prophet and apostles are called of God and are his messengers here on earth. Their messages today were inspired and their guidance will lead me back to the arms of my Father in Heaven. I know that I am not alone. The Savior knows me and my family. He knows my concerns and my heart. I am so grateful for this testimony.