Three Months We Didn't Know We Had...

Month One- 

Uncertainty, overjoyed, unbalanced, blessed, strengthened, hope, fear, immeasurable love, inspired.

These are all the emotions that I went through during Thomas's first month of life outside the womb. That little boy amazed everyone. He was born with a broken body with barely a heart beat, but was able to overcome and persevere through so much pain and other health issues. We could only look on and try our best to comfort him when we were at the hospital and to make sure he knew how much we loved him. 

I hated feeling like I wasn't able to be with Thomas as much as I wanted OR with Taylor as much as I wanted. I don't know how parents do it without family or friends to help them. How would a single mother do it? I feel like I barely survived. On top of that I was pumping breast milk every three hours while Shane worked all day long and then went straight to the hospital afterward and didn't come home until Tay was in bed. 

Month Two- 

Excitement, scrambled, tired, self doubt, frustrated, blessed, strengthened, hope, fear, immeasurable love, inspired.

Oh goodness, Thomas was actually discharged to come home! We were able to spend a full week at home before he had his first trip of many to the ER. This became the month of surprises. Every week there was something different we were worried about- feeding, re-flux, aspiration, hernia, breathing, But this was also a great month of learning and growth for all of us. Thomas was doing well with Occupational Therapy and Physical Therapy. Thomas was starting to move more and didn't seem in pain from healed fractures. Shane, his parents, and myself were learning more about Thomas and his cues. We were learning more about what was normal for Thomas and what was concerning. We researched more about respiratory and digestive issues with babies that have severe OI. We became more comfortable with the machines and with handling Thomas. I became associated with the OI Parents group and immediately felt them encircle me with their strength and experience.

One particular night, I know Shane and I felt so tired and were having a hard time handling Thomas's schedule and cries throughout the night. Everytime I heard Thomas start to cry that night, I'd say a prayer to Heavenly Father that if it wasn't serious that Thomas would be okay and go back to sleep. Thomas ended up having such a good night that night...

It seemed that there were a lot of questions I still had about the plans for Thomas and why things didn't seem constant for Thomas. Why were we going up to the ER so often? Why can't I get things figured out for my son so we can stay out of the hospital for at least two weeks? What was I doing wrong?

However, my family was together all under one roof. I was able to wake up and cuddle Thomas while Shane and Taylor chased each other around the house.

Month Three- 

Nervous, confidence, tired, frustrated, blessed, strengthened, hope, fear, immeasurable love, inspired. 

I was about to return to school. I had a couple of weeks left. Time to start making freezer meals. Time to look at lesson plans. Do I even remember all of my students' names? How am I going to balance teaching, Taylor, and Thomas? 

Thomas was still having pulmonary and digestive issues, but we were getting sick of staying trapped in the house. We grew confidence in Thomas and in ourselves and ventured to a family party, sacrament meeting, and to the park. I started looking at our situation differently. No matter how much time we have, I don't want to say that we spent all of it on one floor of our house because we were too scared to live life. I needed to figure out how to live life with Thomas's machines and his fragile body. 

Great Grandma B got to hold her first great grandson! This woman inspires me. I was exhausted from being at the ER all night so my grandma came and made me lunch and cleaned the house. She is in her 80s and is still willing to get her hands dirty and serve. I have always been able to count on her and hope she knows that I will be there to clean her house and make her lunch when it's my turn to take care of her. 

Looking ahead at the next couple months and looking back at the last few months, I realized that there was no predictability to Thomas's situation. Not only was his mutation completely unique to him, Thomas's story was unique as well. Thomas has never gone more than a week and a half without an ER visit, a sudden need for a primary care visit, or a hospital admission. So given that pretty busy history, it didn't seem doable or even smart to continue working. It seemed like it would only end up hurting my family. I had been praying as to how I can better help Thomas and without a doubt this was an answer. My family needed all of me.  

Luckily, we were able to find a replacement at the end of my first week back. Thomas made it the entire week and then needed to be taken by ambulance to Primary's. 

Month Four- 

Angry, tired, frustrated, unbalanced, relieved, blessed, strengthened, hope, fear, immeasurable love, inspired. 

Thomas celebrated his one month, two month, and three month birthdays in the hospital. Maybe his four month birthday will be different. 

During this hospital admission I have often found myself angry that Thomas isn't being handled with enough care in regards to his limbs and possibility of fractures, angry that not enough was being done to ensure that a definitive plan was in place to make sure that he didn't end up in the ambulance again, angry that I was not being listened to when speaking about experiences of other babies with severe OI. 

At the same time, I was also sinking myself into conference talks from the last session and praying daily independently and with my children. In the car to and from the hospital I was finding comfort in Primary songs and conversations with Taylor about the Plan of Salvation. 

Tired and trying to figure out how am I going to do this. It's only been a week and half but this is not a quick fix. Thomas needs a lot of help for a long time. What decisions are we going to have to make? Will today's doctor be doom and gloom or optimistic? Will today's doctor be familiar with OI? Blah..... I'm exhausted even thinking about it. But Shane and I know where we stand and know that we do not want to be the ones to tell Thomas when he is done living on this earth. We trust in Heavenly Father and we trust in Thomas. We want to give Thomas EVERY OPPORTUNITY to live his life on this earth and when and if Thomas decides it is more than his precious body can handle, his body will let us know. I will not fail Thomas. 

We were blessed to watch the play based on a book by Nathan Glad (one of our dear friends with OI)- "Climbing With Tigers". This kiddo has been such a motivator for us to fight for Thomas. He is the happiest kid and doesn't let OI get in his way from living life. The play helps others to see what life is like through his eyes. Nathan's play also teaches so much about bravery and friendship. We walked away truly lifted and grateful that Taylor was able to experience that.  GO SEE IT!!! We are so grateful to know his family and look forward to learning how to pay it forward and serve other families. 

http://www.saltlakeactingcompany.org/this-season/item/1003-climbing-with-tigers

Continuing to pray for guidance on how to take care of Thomas, consulting with my army of OI mamas, and relying on friends and family to help us as we scramble day to day... finally a care conference was set. With Thomas's entire team, we were going to finally build a plan for my little guy to not only get him to a barely safe place to go home but to get him to a strong and sturdy place that would be the most promising for Thomas in the long run. We know Thomas needs to get his lungs to mature, the proper nutrition, and the best possible way for us to support his lungs. The days leading up to the conference my prayers had changed. Instead of praying for guidance for myself, I prayed for the doctors and Thomas's team to be guided. 

The day before the conference a new attending was assigned who also happened to have a child with special needs and knew the importance of a support group and the value that other parents were able to share with me. She recognized the weaknesses of his current care plan and immediately wanted it to be more driven and goal oriented. She also reached out to other resources that specialize in OI. Between her, our primary care doctor, and the OI specialists I felt that a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. The care conference was a team of 10 who's primary concern was helping Thomas get the care he needed so he can not only come home but have the best chance of staying home for awhile. 

He's needing to have better pulmonary support via High Flow and BiPap (or Cpap... they are going to do some studies with Thomas to decide which). He's now receiving Zole treatments to help his bones and will be starting some respiratory medicine as well. I don't know how our new plan will turn out but I do know that I finally feel peace that Thomas IS in the right hands now and the doctors are going to do the best they can. 

Dreams

Tonight when I was getting ready to put Taylor to bed, she pulled out several books that we have read a million times. Finally, I stepped in to see if there was something on her shelves that we hadn't read in a while. I found a book of hers that I had actually never read with her- "Fanny's Dream". 

I read about this woman who was waiting for her fairy godmother who never came. She never got to marry the prince or live in a castle or live a life free from hard work. But she did marry a man who loved her. They worked side by side. She had her hands full with taking care of the children and the life they had created for themselves. Their house burned down, but they rebuilt it and pushed forward. Later, her fairy godmother finally came and offered her the dreams she had long ago. She chose the life she had built. 

Holding back tears as I finished reading this book to Taylor, I realized that I would not have my life any other way. Yes, of course I wish I could take away Thomas's struggles, the medical bills, the stress, splitting our time between our children, and how tired we are.....

But I LOVE my husband and how hard he works for us and how much he loves being a dad. His patience and his priesthood has been such a blessing during this time. I LOVE what a strong spirited girl my daughter is, how caring she is to her brother, her creativity and her affectionate personality. I LOVE my son's facial expressions, quiet strength, his smiles and coos, his heavenly spirit, and the humility and perspective he has given me. 

What has happened to Thomas is not any mother's dream, but I know that we can build an even more wonderful life for our family because Thomas is a part of it. 

From Fall to Falling into a New Year

From Fall to Falling into a New Year

A Faith Building Fall

It was the end of September when we found out we were expecting baby #2.... We were so excited and surprised that we joyously laughed at the little blue line! I had been into the school year a little over a month. I was teaching 6 different classes and working extra hours with DECA. My excitement about the pregnancy soon manifested itself in the form of morning sickness and shortness of breath. I was loving it  though because it meant I was getting to add another child to our forever family. 

October ended up being the craziest month I've ever had as a teacher. Between field trips, competitions, trainings, and a much needed vacation to Palmyra to visit Meg & Kent- I was hardly there. 

I loved loved LOVED Palmyra, New York. It was so wonderful to learn about the church's history there and to see the sites. My testimony was strengthened each day while we were there with Shane's parents. We did a session in the Palmyra temple which I will never forget. We walked through the Sacred Grove and stood on top of the Hill Cumorah. We drove to other significant sites and explored some of the history upstate New York has to offer. It was just beautiful with the old houses and the colored trees! I've officially decided that I want to live there- farmland, small towns, and big houses...

A week or so after this beloved trip, I had to leave to go to a training in Miami. I left early Halloween morning. My parents and Shane took Taylor out trick or treating. She was the cutest little Ute cheerleader! We skyped every night while I was gone. 

Upon returning, I had my first pregnancy appointment! Everything looked great and I was making plans for the new baby to arrive on June 7, 2015. We arranged for me to come back later that week for an ultra sound and blood work. Blood work turned out fine except that I was low in sunshine. I wasn't getting enough vitamin D. At the ultrasound, Taylor was by my side and excited to see the new baby with me. Without my midwife there because it was so late in the day, it was up to me to interpret what I was seeing. At first the tech kept changing her angles so she could get a better look. But then after awhile... I realized what was happening. She was trying to confirm that there was no baby. All we could see was the beginnings of a baby that never developed. I went home that night to Shane and cried my eyes out. I cried over not ever being able to meet or hold that baby. I cried over having to wait even longer for another child. 

Miscarriage

My body thought it was 10 weeks pregnant but the midwife later confirmed that the baby didn't make it past 6 weeks. My body wasn't doing anything about it though... it continued being pregnant. We waited a week and still nothing happened. The midwife gave me a prescription that would induce the miscarriage.

 Oh my crazy... I never want to do that again... I miscarried late Wednesday night and realized something was wrong at about 5 in the morning. I was bleeding too much. I was light headed and felt like I was constantly going to the bathroom in my pajamas. But I wasn't- it was just more blood. Shane woke Taylor up and we headed to the ER. They immediately started monitoring me and gave me an IV. They couldn't stop the bleeding and eventually sent me by ambulance up to the U of U Hospital. There, a D&C was completed. Super painful even with medication. It took several days for the pain to go away and then even another week or two to feel like pre-pregnancy self. 

I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and has a plan for that little baby. Whether I get to be with that spirit in this life or the next, that child is mine. I will never forget that we had a little baby on the way due June 7 and how excited Taylor was for a sibling. The miserable miscarriage actually was a distraction to the emotional pain I was feeling so I feel blessed. I resolved to move forward with hope to continue trying (with the permission from my midwife) and to look towards future healthy pregnancies. 

Holidays

We spent Thanksgiving at my parents' house in Bountiful with Grandma & Grandpa B, Aunt Natalie, and my mom & dad. Originally, my best friend Ashley was going to join us, but she ended up being able to take off work to go down and be with her family in Cedar City. It was crazy- there were two turkeys. We didn't even carve into the second one. Taylor was in heaven with pumpkin pie while she sat on old phone books because we forgot her booster seat.

Shane passed his 3rd CPA test! Wahoo!!! He only has one left to go before he's a CPA!!! We're hoping this will provide him with greater career opportunities in the future.

We went as a family to a Christmas tree lot by Shane's old work- Fairchild Semiconductors. We picked it out, carried it home, and decorate the tree and the entire house. It is always so fun even though Taylor has her own way of "decorating".

One of my favorite Christmas traditions is going to the Festival of Trees. This time we went early in the day so there was hardly no crowd and Taylor got to sit on Santa's lap! I love watching the cute little dance concerts up on the stage as well... it makes me excited to get Taylor into a dance class when she's old enough. The Festival of Trees also makes these delicious scones out of Rhodes roll dough. This year we made our own scones at home in our fryer and they were soooo gooooood! New tradition? YES!

The weekend before Christmas we celebrated Taylor turning 2! We had a Frozen Birthday party with the following menu: Costco's croissant sandwiches ("we finish each other's sandwiches"), garden salad ("Troll's Tossed Salad"), marshmallows/raisins/baby carrots/pretzel sticks ("Do you wanna build a snowman?"), and a hot chocolate bar ("I wanna stuff some chocolate in my face!").

It turned out really cute. To save money, I bought winter decor instead exclusively Frozen themed. That way I can use it through January. :) We gave Taylor a tent, tunnel, a new baby doll, and a nice Elsa dress. She also had fun with our family & friends that were able to come. Thanks for the nice gifts everyone!

For Christmas Eve, we spent the day with Krissanne's family making Christmas cookies and eating cookie dough. It was a lot of fun to see Claire and Taylor being crazy and running around together. For our new Christmas Eve tradition, I made italian food for dinner and then we hopped into our new Christmas jammies, packed some hot cocoa, and got into the car. We followed an online map of awesome Christmas lights in Riverton & Draper. So pretty... and a fun way to end the day.

Christmas morning, Taylor actually slept in which was her Christmas present to us. :) We walked down the stairs as a family and opened up our Christmas gifts. Shane- a pressure cooker (to make yummy rice and so I can start canning), Jim Gaffigan, and a RC helicopter. Me- vivofit, new makeup, and new dress. Taylor- games, a doll sized pack n play, and a train set. We skyped with the Broadbents and then played together the rest of the day.

That night we went to my parent's house for Christmas dinner and exchanging gifts. It was a nice Christmas and I am so grateful for my family, the gift of the Savior, and for my Heavenly Father.

Pregnancy

Right before Taylor's birthday I was concerned that my body hadn't gone back to it's regular scheduled programming yet so I took a pregnancy test. Actually, I took 4. They were all positive. I was surprised since we hadn't been proactive about trying to time things, but it had just happened coincidentally. Of Course we were happy, but skeptical. I think it's safe to say that all women are skeptical when they get pregnant again after a miscarriage. They just don't want to be let down. A few days after I tested positive (about 5 weeks along) I miscarried. This was different than November though. If I hadn't taken a pregnancy test, I wouldn't have thought it was anything different than a really late monthly gift. I talked to my midwives and if I miscarry a third time in a row I will need to go in for some tests. We were told though to continue to be hopeful and to start trying the next month. 

Health & Fitness

It's been no secret that I worked really hard the first half of 2014 and was able to lose 30 lbs and a couple dress sizes. I worked out regularly and had completely adjusted our menu plans. I had helped several other people work towards their health and fitness goals and started my own business as a coach for Beach Body. I maintained my progress for the summer and thought I had a game plan for the start of the school year. I was going to continue my progress and continue coaching others as well all while being a mommy and working as a full time teacher. Hmmmm... I completely overwhelmed myself and couldn't figure out how to balance everything. I stopped working out. I stopped coaching. I stopped planning healthy meals. I was in survival mode. I slowly saw the pounds creep up and the clothes getting tighter. I noticed my lack of energy and loss of strength/endurance. UGGGGHHH!!!
After the second miscarriage I told myself- Christmas Break is going to be MY time. I'm going to get this figured out. I'm going to get organized and get myself back on track. I'm going to get back to nutrition, working out, and helping others!

I have a lot that I want to accomplish in 2015 so here are my New Year's Resolutions!

1. Lose 10 lbs in January. 10 more February. 5 more in March. 5 more in April. Maintain for the rest of the year.
2. Consistently have FHE every week in January. Add reading scriptures daily in February. Add daily family prayer in March. Add daily family scripture study in April. Maintain for the rest of the year.
3. Stay under $400 for weekly expenses in January. 350 in February. 300 in March. Maintain the rest of the year.
4. Save $150 month for Disneyland.
5. Attend the temple once a month.
6. Get pregnant!!!

Day 27,28, 29 Summer is almost over!

Day 27- Finished my 10K!!!

About a month ago, I set out to complete a 10K as one of my goals for summer. Last Friday night, I smashed that goal!

Shane and I had arrange for my dad to come out and spend the night. He was going to help support me at the race and watch Taylor. He came over right after work and enjoyed dinner with us. Then he played with Taylor and watched Frozen for the very first time. It was sweet to watch him spend some one on one time with her. It was so funny, because Taylor had seen only pieces of the movie before because she couldn't sit still. This time, she was so captivated by it and couldn't look away!

Taylor and Grandpa Steve mesmerized by Frozen.  

After Taylor went to bed, I had to wait a couple more hours before it was time to head down to the race. It started at 11:30 so my dad and I headed down at 11pm. I had decked myself out neon clothes and glow sticks. My friend Molly met me down there and she had made herself some pretty awesome glow in the dark braids!

Molly and I before the race!

This was a big deal to me because I hadn't been able to run like this since way before Taylor was born. Within a month, I was able to get myself to run a mile, then 2, then 3, and then 4. I was going to run 6 miles and my promise to myself was that I wasn't going to stop and I wasn't going to go slower than about a 12 min mile.

Molly and I ran together the entire time giving ourselves pep talks to keep going. It was such a nice night out and the trail was great! Little lights from glow sticks could been seen bouncing all along the way. We ended up running a lot faster than anticipated! We completed it with an 11 min mile and we both sprinted across the finish line. Molly was the 17th  person to cross the finish line and I was the 20th! 

I did it!

My dad had returned home to watch Taylor so Shane could greet me at the finish line! I felt so alive sprinting my hardest during the last few seconds of the race. It felt so good accomplish something that proved to myself I CAN!!!

Now, I don't want to lose motivation or ability so I've signed up for another 10K on August 9th. Pushing myself to go farther, I've also signed up for my second half marathon! On August 30th I'll be running a half marathon down Emigration Canyon!

http://www.sports-am.com/Emigtation-Half-Marathon.html

Day 28- My Summer Bucket List

I used to be really into Pinterest. During the spring I was so excited for summer break that I kept looking at Pins for all these fun ideas and activities to do with Taylor. Some of the Pins would be title "Summer Bucket Lists"... things that you had to do before summer was over because they were just that awesome! Well, I came up with a summer to do list of my own and now that summer is almost over I can either look at the list and get all frantic about all the things that I haven't accomplished yet or be happy to be enjoying summer with my little girl and the memories we've made. 

• We've gone on picnics
• We've gone on many MANY walks
• We clean the house together
• We cook together
• We play sidewalk chalk together 
• We blow bubbles together
• We play in her little pool together
• We water the flowers together
• We go to the community pool
• We took swim lessons together
• We went camping together
• We color and paint together
• We sit on the porch together
• We've laid around watching cartoons together
• We've done our own "preschool" most mornings where she's expanded her vocabulary
• We've gone out to lunch just the two of us
• We go to the library weekly
• We've watched fireworks together
• We read scriptures together
• We've cleaned the church together
• We've visited family and friends
• We've worked out together!!!
• We've been to the aquarium
• We've been to the zoo
• We've been to Thanksgiving Point
• We've milked a cow
• We've napped together....

I don't need Pinterest to tell me the most important 100 things that I need to do with my child over the summer to make it meaningful. Just being together and doing what kids do in the summer was meaningful for me. Sure, there's things on my own to do list that will still probably not get done before I go back to teaching mid-August. I'm ok with that. She will only have ONE summer where she is one year old. I know that I haven't missed it. I've loved our summer together!

My favorite thing? Sitting out on the front patio as the sun sets and watching Taylor play. Taylor is squealing because she is excited she found another rock to show me. Shane is sitting next to me.

Day 29- Plans and Plateaus!

I only have a couple of weeks left before I'm back at work. One of MY goals that I had this summer was to kick a plateau I've been on with my weight loss. Plateaus occasionally happen and no matter how long they lasted I always broke through! I know that hard work and adjustments help push me through so I continue to reach new fitness and health goals. 

Right now, I'm running and doing PiYo. I love it!!!

I know that my eating needs to be better and that I need be focused on my long term goals and not instant gratification. Cold Stone Ice Cream is instant gratification... Just saying. Some days I've even worked out three times, but fitness is nothing without nutrition. 

I'm excited for my last Challenge Group for the summer. It's a 60 day challenge focusing on nutrition and fitness. The complete package. We're going to follow a 30 day meal plan and I'm starting the challenge off by doing 3 Day Refresh. It's brand new from Beach Body and so many people have seen great results and have loved  it! I'm not hoping- I'm COMMITTED to refresh my body and get off of this plateau on the 28th. That's when our challenge starts. I'm so excited. This is the biggest challenge I've done so far. I'm excited for the challengers that will be doing it with me and the progress that I know they will make!!! For myself, I'm going to lose 10 more pounds before school starts. Hopefully, we will be able to get pregnant this fall and I want to be at my goal weight before that happens. I want to be healthy for this baby!

Also, I'm getting to the point where I need several other coaches working with me. I know there are people out there who are wanting to help motivate others (and themselves) while they are on their own fitness & health journey.  I want to find them! 

When I first became a coach, I thought the discount will be great and I'm excited to learn what my coaches have learned. Now, I'm grateful that I am blessed to be in a position to help, coach, and motivate people to go after their goals. This job entails my favorite things- teaching, marketing, inspiring, and fitness/health. It not only holds you accountable but it seriously makes you walk the walk.

I want to help one person learn about this job and work with them! 

Day 25 & Day 26- Temple Service and 10K Training

Day 25- Service in the Temple

I love the temple! As a young girl, I really would dream about what the temple looked like on the inside and what it would be like, what I would I learn, and who I would marry in there some day. As a college student, I would take TRAX down to the SLC temple and would sit on the plaza staring up at the temple, read my scriptures, and write in my journal. As a wife and mother, I love to sit in the temple with my spouse holding hands and love to take Taylor to the temple grounds. The Primary song is still true for me- I love to see the temple!

When we lived in Centerville, there were one or two times when volunteers were needed from our ward to help clean the temple. Because it was during the school year, it would have been difficult to fulfill the service so early in the morning or so late at night. I had a strong desire though to serve the Lord and help clean the Lord's house.

My opportunity came last Sunday! A signup sheet was passed around during church to help clean the temple! I was so excited and signed up! I arrived at the temple in my Sunday best and walked in with a smile on my face and gratitude in my heart for the opportunity.

There were over 40 people there with me that had volunteered to spend their late evening helping to clean the temple. With reverence, we were given instructions and sent to complete our tasks. While cleaning, a very warm feeling came over my heart. I realized that some recent prayers of mine had been answered. I had been praying for opportunities to serve others for a week or two. In the temple, it became known to me all the ways I had been able to serve the last couple of weeks. I had received multiple opportunities to serve, had a heart desiring to serve, and took action to serve in the opportunities. I just didn't realize all of those acts were acts of service until I was in the temple. I know that Heavenly Father was teaching me about how my prayers WERE answered.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to serve and to be served by others. I am grateful for the temple and all of the blessings it has brought to my life. I am grateful for the opportunity to serve the Lord and the members in my community by helping to keep the temple clean.

Oahu Temple- taken from our visit during our honeymoon

DAY 26- Training for a 10K

I'm so excited! I registered for a 10 K that will take place in 11 days!!!! I can't believe I am going to do it! It's at midnight and will be glow in the dark themed! I haven't ran in a race since before Taylor was born so probably 2011. I know I can currently run 2 miles, but I need to get up to six. With dedication I know I can do it. 

Shane and I (with Shane's best friend Paul in the background) right before I started running Leg 1 of Ragnar Las Vegas

Taken after completing the Salt Lake Half Marathon

In my early twenties, I participated in two Ragnar Races, one Half Marathon, and several 5ks. It's not a matter of if I can run a 10K, but if I'm willing to work and train for a 10k. I want to do this for multiple reasons, but the biggest reason is because I want to show myself that I CAN DO IT! I am in better shape than I've been thinking. I want that feeling of accomplishment again- that I killed a goal that I set for myself. I really love a quote I found the other day about being in your own way. My own fears and doubts are the only thing that can keep me from training for this 10K. Am I going to let them? I am not. I am not going to let fear and doubt stand between me and training for this 10K. There is no reason why I can't run, train, and complete a 10K on the night of the 18th! 

10K Map

I'm going to have my husband and parents there to cheer me on!!!! I don't care if I feel like collapsing afterwards or if I have to talk out loud to myself to keep my motivation up.... I'm going to finish!

Day 21- "Cafe Rio, we're breaking up!"

.... As Taylor Swift says: "It's Over. It's SO OVER"

Like I said in an earlier post, Shane and I don't eat out as much anymore. It just doesn't taste as good anymore and I feel crummy afterwards.

Let me preface this with the fact that Cafe Rio was my favorite go to fast food. I know a lot of people don't consider it fast food, but I do. I mostly would get it as carry out. I started my love of Cafe Rio when I was 19 and living up by the University of Utah. It became a special place for my roommates and I. Even after graduation, we would meet up there to chat, laugh, and eat over glorious sweet barbacoa pork burritos and salads.

I was about three months into Beach Body when I decided to treat all of my DECA students to Cafe Rio while we were competing at our State Competition. I ordered my usual. It wasn't as good as I used to think it was. Several days later my body decided to go through an intense cleanse. I was sick for 48 hours straight. No breaks. Nothing stayed in. It was miserable. Our downstairs bathroom became a hazard zone.

Right before we went to Moab last weekend, we ordered Cafe Rio so we didn't have the dirty dishes to deal and could just focus on packing up the car. I ordered my usual. Not impressed anymore at all. I did feel noticeably uncomfortable afterwards. Several days later..... intense cleanse- The SEQUEL! This time it only lasted one day, but it ruined my Memorial Day. Shane and I had plans to get all sorts of stuff done and to do some fun things with Taylor!

That evening I was feeling well enough to go celebrate my good friend and old roommate (Catherine) graduating from Med School.

While we were all together we were reflecting on our love and history with Cafe Rio. I shared with them the recent shortcomings of Cafe Rio that I had experienced. My friend shared with a story as well: Her last trip to Cafe Rio ended up with her finding a moth in her salad and Cafe Rio accusing her of putting it there! They then tried to make up for it by offering her a free meal.... uh... no thank you!

So it's official- IT'S OVER. No more Cafe Rio for me. No more "extra meat"! No more of their salsa fresca or creamy house dressing. I'm done and I'm ok with it.

I can do better. My body deserves better. :)

Visiting Teaching is Inspired

My good friend Catherine also happened to be my first visiting teacher when I moved out on my own. She actually came to my house to visit teach my roommate who happened to  not be there at the time. I invited her and her partner in and they stayed to share and listen. I was having such a bad day and going through some really rough times. She was trying to care and comfort me and barely knew me! 

When I moved back to Bountiful to go to Weber, my visiting teaching companion and I had a really good system. Because we were all single, we would trade off hosting dinners each month with the girls we visit taught. I loved it. They almost became like a second family since we were all on our own. It was nice to have that sisterhood and support. 

After Shane and I got married, we moved into his parents house while they served a mission in California. I was blessed to have Lisa and her daughter in law April as my visiting teachers the entire time I lived there. They were so great about visiting and checking in with me often. They became good friends of mine and are such wonderful examples of selfless and loving women. 

Here in our new home, my first visiting teachers came soon after we moved in. They immediately befriended me and helped me to make friends in our new neighborhood. They introduced me to Zumba and continue to lift my spirit with their friendship and example! 

I love visiting teaching and know that it is an inspired program for Heavenly Father's daughters. It allows us to reach out of our comfort zones to look after and friend one another. It encourages us to serve and to let others serve us and our families. Visiting Teaching helps me to share my testimony and brings myself and the sisters I have the opportunity to serve closer to Christ. 

Day 13- I'm going to be a coach!!!

I'm so excited! Earlier this week I made the decision to become a coach! I will be trained by Beach Body to help others reach their fitness goals and to motivate progress towards a healthier lifestyle! Currently, I've lost 28 pounds and am still going! I am more active, energetic, and feel happier about body than I have since I started college! I love Turbo Fire and will be starting up T25 soon. Shakeology has seriously changed my appetite and my cravings for junk. Joining the Beach Body Challenge in January has changed my life by helping change how I take care of me!

Before picture... 215 lbs October 2014. 

10 Months Postpartum, Size 18, XXL

Progress Picture...28 lb LOSS. May 2014.
Week 17 of Beach Body Challenge.

Size 12, Large

Read my story on previous posts to learn about what I'm doing differently and my weight loss journey. This has been an amazing experience so far and I plan to continue working towards a healthier body and lifestyle- for myself and for my family!  I'll be starting my second challenge soon for T-25! 

If you want to do a Beach Body Challenge to kick off the summer you need to contact me so I can get you on board!!!

                                      -------------------------------------------------------------

I'm going to make some Shakeology and plan a workout this afternoon while I wait for my students to kill it at their competition! We're in Atlanta, Georgia for DECA and I am so proud of my students! I think if they've worked hard and prepared we could have some awards coming our way! 

We walked a lot today and yesterday. That's been awesome! Standing in line for Superman at Six Flags for 3 hours was not so awesome. We spent 6 hours at an amusement park and went on 2 rides! Woo hoo! But the time I've spent with my students and laughed was so much more fun. Today they're starting to compete, but we'll go tour the CNN Center later. 

I miss Taylor and Shane, but I know they're having their own "fun" this weekend as Shane flies solo with Taylor. 

Taylor and Shane having "Daddy/Daughter time" for breakfast!

Day 12- Beating Plateaus!

Day 12- Beating Plateaus!

Well, I think I went an entire week without posting... I'm not going to go back and try to make up what I missed... It was a good week though!

Yesterday I beat my plateau! I was stuck at 190 since mid march. It was my 25lb point which was a huge deal for me! I kept hovering in the low 190s and couldn't get past it. Reminding myself that it would eventually past if I put in the work, I saw my results yesterday. I weighed 189.5! Yes, a half pound down and I was celebrating! It wasn't about the number, but about the perseverance to keep going and to not give up. Today, I weighed in at 187.5! That's a 12.7% loss from my starting weight.

I'm continuing to get better at Turbo Fire and Taylor sometimes will clap and cheer me on or even start trying to do squats with me!

Seeing those small triumphs gave me a second wind of motivation, a much needed pay off, and confidence in the new habits I've formed. By the way, I LOVE eating grape tomatoes with my lunch!

I've decided that I'll finally post my before and "during" pictures this week. There will never be an "after" picture because I'll never be finished. This isn't something I'm doing until I reach my goals and then will stop and go back to the way it was before.

Weight loss aside, I have loved some of the things that I've done to help bring the Spirit into our home. It really does make a difference. So besides me reading to her, Taylor also has a love for me singing to her. She will just rest quietly in my lap while I sing to her. I don't get it- I sound like a dying country singer. Yeah, dying... in the process of dying. It's pretty bad, but she doesn't seem to mind. Maybe it's all those hours she sat in my belly while she listened to me teach at school. When she was little I used to make up songs or raps even about random Taylorisms. Our special song that always soothed her was "You are my Sunshine".

Lately, I've been singing hymns or Primary songs to her. I think she recognizes some from the ones she hears at church on Sundays- especially the Sunbeam song!

I love that the Spirit can still be felt when we're in the car together and I'm singing the Army of Helaman. I hope she feels something too. :)

Day 13- I Hope They Call Me On A Mission

Today at church we had the privilege of hearing from the missionaries during Sacrament Meeting. I loved their talks, passionate and encouraging testimonies, and invitation for us to rejoice in the Gospel! Shane and I have talked about it before, and we'd like to serve a mission when we're retired. I wanted to serve a mission actually before I met Shane and think I would love it. 

This weekend we had Shane's best friends and their wives come over for a BBQ. I did my best to work out before and ate a lunch to accommodate the extra calories for the festivities. My bun method is still my best friend at BBQs. I could even just use a half of bun and be fine. We didn't serve any soda and had our friends bring fruits and a garden salad. I did overeat on my favorite chips Ruffles Cheddar & Sour Cream and apple pie. 

But this morning, after breakfast, I was able to recruit our friends to do Turbo Fire with me! It was so much fun to work out with friends! We killed it! Their little boy even tried some of the moves with us. 

Day 14- Getting Prepared for Atlanta

This Friday I leave for a 6 day trip with some of my awesome students for DECA ICDC in Atlanta Georgia. I've made the decision that I will be taking my Magic Bullet with me to make Shakeology, KIND granola bars, grape tomatoes, mandarin oranges, and Turbo Fire to stay on track. I am excited because DECA is hosting a 5k while we are there and I'm going to register! I haven't done a 5K since before Taylor was born! I'm getting out of my comfort zone! With change, comes change!

Taylor is getting better at talking and is getting better at exercising her independence. Lately, she's been wanting to play in the trash can, turning off Shane's computer, or not following directions when we ask her to come to us. We just started doing time outs.... ahhhhh! Sometimes she screams and cries and other times she think it's funny to see if she can run away from  time out and out smart us. She is a clever little girl and really has a sweet heart, but she is definitely trying to see where her boundaries are. It's such a new learning experience for us- entering into discipline and rules. I'm really wanting discipline with love and guidance to show her how to behave and how to kind. We have no idea what we're doing though, but at least Shane and I are both on the same page and support each other when the other is having to handle a situation with Miss T. 

I'm going to miss them both so much! Last time I had a work trip, I came home after 3 days and cried when I held Taylor in my arms. 

I also discovered a new blog today that has tons of healthy, inexpensive, meal ideas! She lives in my neighborhood and really has put in a lot of work to her meal planning! I want to go to one of her classes I think. 

Day 11- Why be afraid?

So confession time... when I went to the IMC midwives earlier this week they weighed me as part of their regular routine. I remember that when I weighed in with them while I was pregnant their scale was ALWAYS 5 pounds above what I was weighing at home. Even if I weighed myself with the same clothes on and not eating or going to the bathroom in between, their scale always gave me 5 extra pounds. Sadly, my scale could be giving me a 5 pound kindness. Either way, consistency is what matters.

Consistently, I've been hovering between 190 and 195 for weeks. At the IMC, their scale put me at 200!!! I'm going under the assumption that I was probably at a peak for the day of 195 and their scale was giving me the 5 extra. I'm not crazy. I know that either their scale is wrong or my scale is wrong, but the two scales are always 5 off.

It doesn't matter that the scales are off, but what hit me at the IMC was that I still haven't dipped below 190. So I started reflecting on some of what I've learned from Turbo Fire. I asked myself, "Have I worked my hardest? If you don't know your limits, then you haven't been there yet. Can you push harder? Can you jump higher?"  I may have been saying that I care and want to lose more weight, but have I been acting like it? Nope. I know without a doubt, if were still doing the Beach Body Challenge with the motivation and effort that I was putting in at the beginning, I could've taken myself farther. Why not then? Why get comfortable? Why be afraid? Is it overwhelming? Yes. But the great success and changes I saw earlier this year were because I didn't care if it was scary, uncomfortable, or overwhelming. It only made me stronger. I don't regret it AT ALL so I need to be stop being afraid.

Even though today was supposed to be my rest day for the challenge, I did Hiit 15 and will be doing it again tonight. I ate one of my favorite salads for lunch:

Sunrise Salad:

arugula and spinach

cuties, peeled and segmented

glazed walnuts

low fat feta, crumbled

2 slices of bacon, crumbled

balsamic vinaigrette dressing

I'm calculating my calories and will be fixing a new recipe for dinner. I'll post it if it's a keeper!  I will reach my goal to get below 190 before school starts next Monday! 

Mommy bragging moment! Taylor has approached me today at least 15 times to want me to read to her. Different books and different times of day. My little girly loves me to read her books. She never is asking to get down off my lap to go play, she is instead saying "more, more, more" for me to keep reading to her! LOVE HER!!!!

30 Days of FAITH & FITNESS

Thirty Days... Strengthening my FAITH & my FITNESS

Last night, I went to bed wondering why I always come up with goals and to do lists and always say to myself "I need to wait until X to start". Like when I decided to finally do the work to get healthy, I told myself to wait until the new year. But, even though my Beach Body Challenge didn't start until January 20th, I started working out every day. I just spontaneously started and kept going. I challenged myself to see how far I could go and what kind of results I could get in a set time frame. (With Turbo Fire it's 90 days) I recently bought new pants for work by the way. I'm down from a size 18 to a size 12!!!

So last night, I spontaneously told myself to set a challenge to not only increase my faith but my fitness as well. All the time you read or hear about how writing down your goals, what you eat, etc, helps you to be more accountable. I also know that sharing your testimony strengthens it. Whether it's writing something down or saying it out loud, you become more committed. Invested. It becomes more than a dream or a goal. It becomes an action. 

I WANT to have a stronger spirit in my home. I WANT my husband and I to look at and treat one another with Christlike love. I WANT to have daily personal and family prayer (which I currently don't do). I WANT to continue to pray with my daughter and for her to recognize Jesus Christ. I WANT to follow the commandments and follow the the guidance of the prophets and apostles. I WANT to attend the temple weekly. I WANT to read my scriptures daily. I WANT to read scriptures with my husband and daughter. I WANT those that are around me to know Heavenly Father's love. 

I WANT to end my plateau and get below 190 lbs. I WANT to stick to the Turbo Fire schedule. I WANT to track my calories and exercise. I WANT to make healthier meals for my family that are also budget friendly. I WANT to be able to run 2 miles without stopping. 

My goals and dreams for my faith and fitness are written out and said out loud. I'm committed. I'm invested. I'm taking action. 

This morning, I woke up to my cute toddler and played with her as usual. This time though, I did something different. I pulled out the iPad and showed her the LDS.org video "I am a Child of God". We watched it three times. She loved it! I then, opened up my scriptures and read a chapter with her. I told her we were going to say a prayer together before we started our day. She folded her little arms and cuddled on my lap while I said a prayer. I cannot recall the last time I said a morning prayer... I then proceeded to give her breakfast and I worked out. 

Why have I not been doing this every day? I don't know if I have an answer or if I do and I just don't want to admit the answer. It doesn't matter though. Just like on making the spontaneous change to just start a new habit and commit to working out, I'm making a change. Change will make change. I had a long list of wants written down. If I want those things to change, I have to change what I'm doing. 

For 30 days, I will be writing down my testimony and progress towards these changes. Every day. Thirty days. I have to jump in. No saying that I have to wait for spring break or next month. It's now. It's today. 

I love General Conference. I love hearing messages from my Heavenly Father. I know that when I pray with my daughter that she feels the spirit. I know that my family is sealed forever because of the priesthood we have here on earth and the covenants that we were able to make in God's Holy Temple. I know the scriptures are true. I know that when I read them this morning my testimony was strengthened and my mind was enlightened. I know that the prophet and apostles are called of God and are his messengers here on earth. Their messages today were inspired and their guidance will lead me back to the arms of my Father in Heaven. I know that I am not alone. The Savior knows me and my family. He knows my concerns and my heart. I am so grateful for this testimony.  

No longer someday... it's today!

I've thought about this post for quite some time. I've thought about why I wanted to write it and what I wanted to write. Finally, with courage and no excuses- I'm sharing my health journey and my goals to hold myself accountable and hopefully to inspire.

In college, I was staying up way late and sleeping in until noon on the weekends. I wasn't exercising or caring that I was eating out for most of my dinners. Highly processed foods seemed economical to me so that's what I bought at the store. Growing up, my family didn't cook a large variety of fruits, vegetables, or proteins so I didn't know what other satisfying options were out there for meals. Within one year, I gained twenty pounds. Each year, even becoming more aware of my weight gain, I continued to gain. My first year of college,  at 5' 10" I wore a size 4 and wore a size 8 my second year.


I was nearing college graduation at about 175 and knew something had to change. First, I joined Weight Watchers so I could learn how to eat and live a more healthy life. This was such an eye opener to see how I was eating way more than I needed and how my food choices weren't healthy. I would stay on program for a couple weeks and lose a couple of pounds and then get discouraged because I wasn't seeing the results I wanted and wasn't even getting to a 5 lb loss! I was going to the gym a couple time a week but never really got into it or had accurate measurements of how many calories I was burning.

 I joined WW a couple different times between the age of 20 and 22. I only lost 5 pounds once. Yes, if I stuck to my points I saw small losses but I felt that I was starving myself to get there and depriving myself of the tasty food I loved and craved. I kept binge eating and the process would start all over. At this point, I was wearing a size 10/12.

In 2010, I married my wonderful husband and the weight kept adding on. We started eating more at home and spent less dinners eating out. I got into a Jilian Michael's workout DVD, but that lasted only one month. I started experimenting with recipes and learning how to incorporate different vegetables and proteins in our meals. I also started to experiment with different methods of cooking. I participated in two different ragnars and completed a half marathon. However, the weight kept adding on.

In May 2012, I found out I was expecting our little girl. Weighing about 180, I told myself not to go over the 200 lb mark. During the first trimester, I only ate "little kid" junk food such as macaroni and cheese, spagettios, and top ramen. Those were the only things that sounded good to me. By the end of my second trimester, I reached 200 lbs and people would look at me and ask if I was having twins. My feet were so swollen and I felt so heavy that I didn't have the energy to work out and didn't believe that working out would make me feel better.

My little girl was born on Christmas Eve. Even after warnings from the midwives, I was drinking half a gallon of eggnog per week all throughout December. I was craving liquids and sadly, that was beverage of my choice next to hot chocolate. I ended up at 240 lbs.

I didn't workout during my pregnancy so after I had my little girl I could figure out how to start working out again. My body was weak and I felt crummy. Looking at the pictures from my baby's blessing, I felt so embarrassed. There was a very special 4 generation picture that we took with my grandma, mother, and daughter... but I didn't want to get a nice print of it because of how I looked. During the summer, I would try and go on walks with the stroller or go on runs. My goal was to be able to run a mile without stopping. I never reached it.

Hovering at around 215 lbs throughout the rest of the year, I kept wondering how could I motivate myself enough to make the drastic changes that needed to be made. Obviously I wasn't at a healthy weight. I was wearing size 18 clothes, maternity pants, and a tired/old looking face. I started asking myself questions about the new year. What would keep me going? What food would I need to be eating? What kind of effort would be required? Would I be binge like I did before? Would I give up? If I ever reached my goals, would that mean giving up oreos and pizza forever? How quick would I see progress? What if I didn't see progress or I plateaued? How would I make time for the changes that needed to be made?

New Year's day came. I decided to buy some new jeans. Skinny jeans! I thought I looked funny, but I forced myself to stop wearing my maternity jeans.

Next, inspired by a post from my good friend Jessie Larson I sat down the chocolates at the grocery store and went straight to the DVD section and bought The Biggest Loser Cardio Blast DVD. Worked out to with Bob Harper and Dolvette Quince for the next several days.

Then, Jessie Larson invited me to join a Beach Body Challenge that she was going to coach. She sent me information via Facebook about it and while my motivation was high I decided to jump on it! It would be a 90 day challenge where I would follow a Beach Body fitness program of my choice (Turbo Fire), drink Shakeology daily, and give &receive support on our Facebook Challenge Group. It officially started on January 20th. Up until then I worked every day with The Biggest Loser Cardio Blast.

Once the challenge started, I was little scared if I'd be able to keep up, but I was ready! I learned the moves of the fitness program and got better each day. I've been tracking my calories and progress using myfitnesspal.com. I had my husband take a whole bunch of before shots so I can see the visual evidence of improvement. From all the hard work from the exercise plan, I only wanted to fuel my body with good things. I actually WANTED to eat more vegetables, less calories, more lean proteins, fruits, and less refined carbs. I WANTED to work out instead of watching my favorite show. I WANTED to push myself until my hair was wet with sweat. I started making challenges for myself and pushed myself to reach them. As of last week, I weigh 198.5 lbs which is a 7% loss and am looking forward to reaching a 20 lb weight loss soon.  On average I've lost 1-2 lbs a week.

What's changed? I'm about to start week 6 of the program and plan on getting as close as I can to 170 in the weeks that are left. I even brought my magic bullet with me on a 3 day trip that I took so I could have Shakeology. I have more energy, more stamina, and a love for working out! With TurboFire, I've been able to work out for anywhere from 10 minutes up 50 minutes here at home. I've been able to stay motivated and push through 2 different plateaus. Healthy, delicious meals are on my dinner table every night. I am constantly on the hunt for new recipes! I keep telling myself that I'm worth the change. I work out 6 nights a week and am fueling my body with healthy food.  NO MORE EXCUSES! NO GOING BACK!

What's next? When my 90 days are finished, I want to complete another 90 day challenge with either T25 or P90X3. This spring, I would like to be a Beach Body Coach to help others and to stay motivated!

Lessons learned so far:
1. Always stick to your workout plan even if you don't feel up to it. You will never regret it afterwards. Just push through.
2. Workout and stay active throughout pregnancy.
3. A lot of foods just aren't worth throwing away hard work. (Wendy's and Taco Time are not worth it!)
4. If you're going to eat a lot of calories make it worth it and be sure you won't regret it. (The Wild Rose, Red Iguana)
5. Drink lots of water and always early to bed- early to rise.
6. Stick to a schedule! Especially one that continues to progress and challenge you.

This is the only time in my life where I have stuck to my goals in regards to health and fitness. I feel wonderful and have loved the results so far!!!